In the last several months I have had occasions where I feel exhausted, achy, my heart beats fast and I feel like I’m shaking. Little things bother me – a lot. I get snippy with my family and my tolerance for chaos, noise and whining is gone.
The kids come to me at bedtime with questions like “where are my jammies” “where do I put…” “did you sign my paper” “how come I have to go to bed now” “I can’t find my blanket or homework or <insert item here>, do you know where it is?” It should feel flattering that they think that I have it all together and know everything. On most days, my normal 1,000,000 item to-do list is always chugging along in my head. But, during one of these occasions, it’s all I can do to hold it together and not come unglued. Why must I know “everything?!” Why is it my responsibility for EVERYTHING?
It’s not like I don’t warn them. I tell them when I’m not feeling well and that I feel short-tempered. It’s only fair to give warning, right? I’ve even caught myself telling G “You are making me very upset and I’m really concentrating on slowly breathing in and out right now. You would be wise to stop before I lose it.” No one really listens.
Eventually, I lose it. I’ll start ranting and stomping around the house flinging papers, blankets or other requested items. All I really want to do is go to bed, but I can’t until all the chaos makers are in bed.
From what I can tell it is cyclical. It happens every other month or so. It’s happened a handful of times. I can feel it coming, like anxiety, and I hate the person it makes me become. If it’s a medication I’m taking, I want off of it. It’s happened enough times now that I can’t say it’s just a fluke or something. It’s time to start some investigation…
Have you had your thyroid checked? It can cause extreme irritability, heart palpatations, sweating, and rage like symptoms. I was ready to sign myself up for anger management before I was diagnosed.
I had it checked about 4 months ago when the symptoms were only mild. It seems like it’s getting worse. Maybe I’ll ask to have it checked again when I go back in for my cholesterol check.
Almost funny that you used the word “rage.” I almost titled my post Inner Rage, but though that people might think I was beating my kids or something.
I was definitely raging. Find out what their guidelines are when they read the test results. The guide lines have changed but a lot of doctors aren’t following the new standard. Mine was borderline, but the meds helped big time! Good luck.
Thanks! I will ask. I also think I’m going to ask to have it checked again. I’ve read that sometimes where you are in your cycle can change the results.
Oh, and extreme fatigue. Hang in there. They know you love them!
Spring fever after being cooped up all winter? Stir crazy? I miss you, my friend – we have to see each other before I move out west!
Yes, we must get together before you move out west. Call me, email me, suggest a date that works for you. 🙂